Review: Nash by (#4, Marked Men) by Jay Crownover

My Thoughts

Angst. Emotion. Edge. Boldness. Heart. Vulnerability.
Nash’s story had it all and I loved every moment! The Marked Men novels are my new favorite series! A must read.

• Related Posts: My review of Rule (#1), My review of Rome (#3), 2014 Favorites, 2014 Favorite Singles, Bad Boys

Synopsis

Will their past determine their future?

Saint Ford has worked hard to achieve her childhood dream of becoming of nurse. Focused on her work and devoted to her patients, there’s no room for love. She doesn’t need a guy making waves in her calm, serene life—especially when he’s the unforgettable hottie who nearly destroyed her in high school. Dark, brooding Nash Donovan might not remember her or the terrible pain he caused. But he turned her world upside down . . . and now he’s trying to do it again.

Saint has no idea that Nash isn’t the cocky player he once was. Uncovering a devastating family secret has rocked his world, and now he’s struggling to figure out his future. He can’t be distracted by the pretty nurse he seems to meet everywhere. Still, he can’t ignore the sparks that fly between them —or how she seems so desperate to get away from him. But the funny, sweet, and drop-dead gorgeous Saint is far too amazing to give up on—especially since she’s the only thing in his life that seems to make sense.

When Nash discovers the truth about their past, he realizes he may have lost her heart before he could even fight for it. Now, Saint has to decide: is Nash worth risking herself for all over again?

My Review

“It’s how we deal with the things that hurt us most that defines us.”

Oh my sweet, tatted rough-and-tumble Nash with a big huge heart. I loved him before, but to see him feel so much for those he cared about, to see him shoulder the burdens of so many, to see him determined to be there for others despite being lost in the oblivion of his own turmoil… well, it got me. I fell hard for the boy with the purple eyes. His story is one of oppositions. About deceptive perceptions and lingering pain. A story of first love and scarring heartbreak. I loved the vulnerability in the story. The emotions felt real. And of course, what makes this series even more special is the solidarity of this group of misfits, who despite blazing their own paths, always have each other’s backs.

Nash is a juxtaposition of hardness and heart. His tough exterior, inked with bright flames of individuality are a deceptive guise for the hurt and abandonment he’s felt for so long. He’s always been there for his band of brothers, for his best friend, Rule, for Cora too, but the feelings of hurt inside of him have been bearable due to one man… his Uncle Phil. Now Phil lies in a hospital bed weakened by cancer, time ticking away as truths that were buried for so long are revealed, shattering Nash’s already fragile reality. And just as everything comes crashing all around him, a face from the past is there to soothe with stolen touches and calming words he never expected.

“I couldn’t explain it, I didn’t know her. Barely remembered her from before, and really had no clue what kind of person she was beyond her personable and professional bedside manner, but I wanted her to be there, felt like I needed her to be there … it was too bad she fucking hated me.”

We met Saint Ford before. She’s a nurse that is very good at her job, ready to be a soothing balm to those that need her. She never expected that face from her past to come tumbling into her life again. A face that personified so much of her pain and insecurities, that symbolized rejection and heartbreak. Seeing him begin to fall apart however, was too much for her to ignore. Nash has always unsettled her and now, seeing him older, bolder… well, it’s doing things to her that it shouldn’t be doing. And truth be told, she hadn’t been able to find closeness with any other man because she would be lying if she said Nash wasn’t a permanent fixture in her thoughts throughout the years.

“Nash Donovan was a beautiful, wicked, hot flame that burned me when I got too close. He was just the first stop in a journey dotted by disappointment, but somewhere along the way I found my footing. My purpose. I just didn’t know that as soon as I did, Nash would manage to run my world upside down all over again, and only a fool gets burned twice by the same flame.”

Saint too, is a study in opposition. She seems so perfectly put together. Successful. Determined. Inside, however, she’s riddled with insecurities about herself. Saint felt like a very real character to me. Who hasn’t felt the weight of old heartbreak and insecurities years later? She’s been paralyzed by a lingering fear of feeling that heartache all over again.  Saint is so stuck in the past, she doesn’t see who she is now, nor does she believe others have changed, particularly Nash. So begins an agonizing push and pull between them. Saint makes it clear to Nash that she doesn’t like him, but there are times she can’t help but respond to his kindness and vulnerability.

“Even after all that time that had passed, and even with the ages-old resentment and dislike I harbored for the darkly handsome young man–who, let’s be honest, had only improved with age–there was still something about him that got me. With just a look he made my blood heat and I had that long-repressed feeling of longing and want whispering at me to remember. It seemed like I was always going to be stuck in a turbulent cycle of lust and hate where Nash was concerned and I didn’t like how extreme and out of control either of those things made me feel.”

Despite the fact that Nash didn’t do long-term relationships… didn’t see that for himself, there’s just something special about Saint that pierces right through to the heart of him. When she isn’t pushing him away, she’s kind and caring, filling a gap inside that was left wide open when his family practically abandoned him. And before too long, he finds himself falling for her. Wanting her. Needing her. Saint finally makes it clear she wants him too, but the past continues to haunt their present and her insecurities really begin to drive a wedge between them.

“I was always guilty of letting other people’s words and actions hurt me and dictate how I felt about myself, and it was costing me more than I ever thought.”

Nash begins to crumble from all the weight he carries on his shoulders. With Phil dying and holding onto truths he needs to hear, and a new business pressuring him into action, all on top of Saint’s frustrating trust issues, he begins to spiral out of control. Saint won’t let herself fall for fear of her heart breaking permanently, but she needs to react because Nash needs her and she runs the risk of losing him forever when all he’s shown her is love.

“I guess I would just have to ultimately decide if what she wanted me for was going to be enough when I felt like I needed to give her everything else I had.”

This book is another amazing addition to this awesome series brought to life by a motley crew of bold individuals. The level of angst was alluringly high in this one and it was interesting to see that it was the girl, in this case, that had to work harder at fixing her issues to make the relationship work. There were also some moments that completely gutted me and made me tear up. Overall I just felt it was a solid, addictive, wonderfully paced book about really seeing the person you love and being smart enough to grab a hold of that goodness before we lose it all to the stuff that doesn’t really matter in the end. I can’t wait to keep reading and up next is Rowdy St. James and Salem Cruz!!!

“Nash wanted to live a life with no regrets, I wanted to live a life that was fulfilled. We needed each other to accomplish that, and now that we had each other there was no then versus now, there was just this life we had together.”

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